


Of these Rough Waters

by mywordsflyup



Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non-Pathfinder Ryder, Post-Canon, Pre-Relationship, Recovery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-04-13
Packaged: 2018-10-15 02:26:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10548478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mywordsflyup/pseuds/mywordsflyup
Summary: A lesson in surviving, thriving and sharing the blanket.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Most of my Non-Pathfinder Ryder thoughts grow like weeds from conversations with [Byacolate](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Byacolate/). Tbh, i blame her for everything always.

They had built a statue of Alec Ryder, both on the Hyperion and the Nexus. Jaal had never met him but cast in metal he looked stern, mostly. Taller than any other human he’d met. A broad jaw and nose, with a mouth that looked a little like his daughter’s and nothing like his son.

 

“It’s creepy,” the Pathfinder declared after the unveiling. Not in front of the crowds, of course. Even she had more tact than to do that. But afterwards, when it was only them left in front of the statue’s pedestal. “It’s the eyes. He never had eyes like that.”

 

“He’s not even looking at anything and you still get the feeling he’s watching you,” Vetra agreed.

 

“Remind me never to get one of these.” The Pathfinder shuddered once more, like shaking off a bad dream and turned away.

 

Her brother didn’t say anything but when Jaal turned his head he saw him still looking up at the unmoving face of his father. Or whatever the person who made the statue thought he had looked like.

 

When the Pathfinder suggested going back to the ship and breaking open the bottle of something called whiskey that Vetra had managed to procure for the occasion, Ryder waved her off, hardly taking his eyes off the statue.

 

“Go on without me. I’ll catch up.”

 

Hesitation wasn’t really something the Pathfinder did but Jaal could see her pausing now, a slight frown forming on her face. She opened her mouth to protest and Jaal stepped forward before he could think about it.

 

“I’ll stay and make sure he gets back.”

 

That was enough to make Ryder take his eyes off the statue, only to give Jaal an uncharacteristically cool look. “I don’t need a babysitter.”

 

The word didn’t quite translate but Jaal understood what he meant in context. “I’ve offended you.”

 

“Nah,” the Pathfinder said. “He’s just being fussy.” She shrugged. “Alright. But make sure you get back before takeoff. I don’t want to have to go out looking for you. Especially not with the kind of hangover I plan on having tomorrow morning.”

 

“I really don’t need you to look out for me,” Ryder said as soon as they were alone, the sound of laughter and voices from their crew slowly disappearing in the distance.

 

“Allow me to indulge myself to a few more minutes outside the ship then,” Jaal said and smiled. “It gets a little crammed in there sometimes.”

 

Ryder didn’t buy it for a minute but the harsh line of his mouth turned into something a little softer. “And your idea of a little more free time is standing in front the statue of a dead man with me?”

 

“Or sitting,” Jaal said, motioning towards a small bench just a few paces away.

 

“I’m fine,” Ryder said, his voice once again cool. Jaal’s eyes flicked to where his right hand was holding on to his cane, hard enough for his knuckles to stand out white against his skin. He wasn’t quite shaking yet but Jaal had watched him enough over the last few weeks to know that it wouldn’t be long now.

 

“For my benefit. We’ve been standing all day.”

 

Ryder watched him. He wasn’t fooled and Jaal knew it but he deliberated whether to accept his kindness anyway. In the end, it was probably the cramp in his hand that made him give in rather than Jaal’s subpar lying.

 

In Jaal’s experience, all Ryders were stubborn. Once they were hurt, even more so. But Ryder allowed him to help him sit down, keeping his right leg stretched out in front of him and his cane leaning against the bench.

 

“Thank you.” His voice was quiet. “I… just… thank you.”

 

He looked smaller than usual, slumped on the bench next to him, and Jaal felt the sudden urge to reach out to him, even if just to touch his arm or shoulder. But he didn’t know if he’d want him to. If he wouldn’t be overstepping. So he kept his hands in his lap.

 

“Are you still in physical therapy?”

 

Ryder nodded. “Three times a week. Lexi is very adamant about that.” There was almost something like a smile there, tugging at some string in Jaal’s chest.

 

All things considered, it could have been much worse. Other people would not have survived what Ryder had gone through. But again, Ryders were very stubborn. Resisting the Archon, fighting him with everything he had, had taken its toll on Ryder’s brain. The full extent of the damage hadn’t been clear until they were able to wake him from his coma and even now they weren't sure if he’d ever regain full control and range of motion of his right arm and leg. There had been other concerns like memory problems and aphasia but in that regard Ryder had been lucky.

 

Jaal knew from experience that it certainly wouldn’t feel that way to him.

 

Ryder sighed and rolled his shoulders, wincing only a little bit at the stiffness in his right one.

 

“You’re making progress,” Jaal said. Just a few weeks ago, Ryder wouldn’t have been able to even roll his shoulder like that.

 

Ryder gave him a sheepish smile. “Baby steps.”

 

They sat in silence for a while. From where they sat, they still had a good enough view of the new statue. The light in the docking bay had already been dimmed a little for the night cycle and Alec Ryder threw a long dark shadow over the walkway, the head of it almost reaching their feet.

 

“I don’t even know what they did with his body,” Ryder suddenly said, his voice once again quiet. “I never asked.”

 

Jaal turned his head to look at him but Ryder kept his gaze fixed on the shadow in front of him.

 

“I didn’t know your sister back then,” Jaal said. “I’m sorry.”

 

Perhaps it wasn’t the right thing to say. Or perhaps it just wasn’t what Ryder expected. In any case, he looked up at Jaal and blinked. “Give me your best guess then.”

 

Jaal decided to be honest with him. Not just because he usually was. But because Ryder deserved no less.

 

“I imagine they would have spaced him. If they were able to recover his body.”

 

Ryder closed his eyes and took a deep breath as if in pain. Two more deep breaths before he was able to look at Jaal again. There were tears in his eyes but he quickly wiped them away with the back of his hand and gave him a tired smile. “That was worse than I thought it would be.”

 

“I didn’t mean to upset you.”

 

Ryder patted Jaal’s arm before folding his hands in his lap again. “You didn’t. It isn’t your fault that things are so messed up.”

 

“It isn’t yours either.”

 

It gave Ryder pause, just for a moment. “Perhaps not.”

 

Guilt was a tricky thing and Jaal knew it all too well. A side effect of war, perhaps.

 

“We buried my mother back on Earth. Under a tree up in the mountains.” There was an almost conspiratorial smile on his face. “It was very illegal. I think she would’ve liked it.”

 

“She sounds a little like your sister,” Jaal said.

 

Ryder’s laugh was quiet but echoed through the empty docking bay. “In a lot of ways.”

 

Jaal looked up at the stern face of Alec Ryder. “There are places like that here as well. In Helius.”

 

“Mh?”

 

“Mountains. With trees. Places to lay someone to rest, if you wanted to.” He could feel Ryder’s gaze on him.

 

“I don’t…” Ryder paused. “I don’t think there’s anything to lay to rest.”

 

Jaal turned his head. “Not in the traditional way. But if you ever wanted… a place to visit. That isn’t this.” He motioned towards the statue. “I’d be happy to help.”

 

For a moment, he thought he must have overstepped. Ryder didn’t say anything and Jaal was about to apologize when he felt Ryder’s hand on his elbow. Just the lightest touch but it was enough.

 

“Thank you.”

  
  


* * *

 

 

“Absolutely not.”

 

There weren’t many things the Pathfinder immediately shut down. Saying no outright wasn’t necessarily something she was accustomed to, always willing to at least listen to a plan - no matter how outrageous it seemed.

 

This, however, was different.

 

“That’s not really your decision to make,” Ryder said. He curled his hands around his mug and leaned back in his seat but Jaal could see the tension in his jaw and shoulders.

 

“You can bet your ass it is.” The space in the kitchen was limited but the Pathfinder still found a way to make it look intimidating as she spun around to stab her finger against Jaal’s chest. “And you put him up to this?”

 

“I offered my assistance.”

 

“Don't fucking mince your words with me!”

 

“Enough!” Ryder put his mug down on the table with enough force to make both Jaal and his sister flinch. Jaal didn’t think he’d ever heard Ryder raise his voice before. But now he was positively glaring at the Pathfinder, his jaw set in a way that was all too familiar after spending months with her on this ship. “I’m going. Jaal is taking me. End of discussion. You’re welcome to join us.”

 

The Pathfinder squared her shoulder, gearing up for something more but at her brother’s last words she paused. She was just as tense as him but with a long exhale, she deflated a bit. “Could you give us a moment, Jaal?”

 

That was new. But Jaal nodded and left the kitchen, the doors sliding closed behind him. He knew from experience that the walls and doors of the ship were pretty much soundproof and the kitchen door was no exception. Not that he had any intention on eavesdropping.

 

The Pathfinder found him in his room not an hour later. She looked tired, more exhausted than he’d seen her since the victory against the Archon.

 

She didn’t get to the point straight-away. He was used to it by now. It was always this way when she didn't want to talk about something. Instead, she slowly paced the room, picking up a few of his things and projects before setting them down again. Jaal watched her, calmly waiting for her to start talking.

 

After a few minutes, she stopped at his workbench and looked at him. “You can take the shuttle.”

 

“You’re not coming with us?”

 

She shook her head. “I can’t do the whole… grief thing. Not again. Been there, done that.” She laughed but it sounded hollow. “He hasn’t had the chance. It wouldn’t be… I shouldn’t stay in the way of that. And if you can help…” She shrugged.

 

“No harm will come to him.”

 

She scoffed. “I know that. He’s a nerd but a damn good shot when it comes to it. And you’re not half bad either.”

 

“Then we will have each other’s backs.”

 

That at least earned him a little smile. She liked when he picked up expressions from her. “I really don’t want to have that conversation with you, you know?”

 

“Conversation?”

 

“The one where I ask about your intentions towards my little brother.”

 

“Oh.” It wasn’t that Jaal was uncomfortable with it. He knew what he felt, never one to deny himself his emotions. And he didn’t wrap them up tightly to keep them hidden like he’d seen some of his teammates do. But in this, his feelings weren’t the ones he was concerned about. “We are friends,” he said, after a moment of silence.

 

The Pathfinder narrowed her eyes, just slightly, as she looked at him. “Friends.”

 

“I think any _conversation_ should be one I have with your brother first.”

 

She took a deep breath and he could see at least some of the tension in his shoulders disappear. “I can live with that. For now.”

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Jaal wasn’t nearly as good a pilot as Kallo was. He didn’t think anyone could be. But he was decent enough, especially with smaller shuttles. He’d flown enough of them during his time with the Resistance. They had been just the right size for small strike teams. The ones the Initiative used weren’t that much different and after a few moments of adjustment, he was fairly certain he wouldn’t have any problems getting them where they needed to go. 

 

Ryder was happy to let him steer the ship. 

 

“I failed the practical portion of my pilot’s license test twice before I passed,” he told Jaal as they were taking off. “And even then I think it was more of a pity pass.”

 

“It must be in your genes,” Jaal said, adjusting their course slightly. “Your sister is the worst driver I’ve ever met.” 

 

Ryder turned in his seat, his eyes wide. “Please tell me you told her that.” 

 

“Of course. She threatened to have me walk back to the Tempest. On Voeld.” 

 

Ryder laughed and leaned back in his seat. “That sounds like her.” 

 

“I don’t doubt she would have followed through.” 

 

“Oh, definitely.” 

 

Ryder craned his neck as they left the Nexus behind, the planet to their left quickly growing smaller and smaller. 

 

“This is how I always imagined it,” he suddenly said. “This… sense of excitement. Exploring.” 

 

Jaal couldn’t help but smile a little. It had been a while since he heard Ryder sound so relaxed. “Aya isn’t really uncharted land.” 

 

“Oh, of course not,” Ryder said quickly. “I didn’t mean to imply it was.” 

 

“Don’t worry.” Jaal steered the ship along the route set by the Nexus control center. As soon as they left the controlled space, he’d be able to fly more freely. “I know what you mean.”

 

“I slept through most of the exciting bits.” 

 

“You mean the terrifying bits.” 

 

“Those as well, ”Ryder said with a little smile. “By the time I woke up, we’d already settled on all the planets we could. They weren’t exactly… new anymore.” 

 

“They were to you.”

 

“That’s not really the same, is it?” 

 

Jaal thought on it for a short moment. “I suppose not. But there are many things in Helius anyone from the Nexus has yet to see. Your sister is good at what she does but there are many paths she hasn’t found.” 

 

Ryder sat up in his seat. “Jaal Ama Darav, are you telling me you’re going to take me somewhere my sister hasn’t been before?” 

 

Smiling at his excitement, Jaal turned his head. “At least that was the plan.” 

  
  
  


 

 

Ryder did his best to stay awake despite Jaal’s best efforts. But a few hours before they touched down on Aya, Jaal was able to convince him to get a little bit of rest. 

 

“You’re going to need it,” he told him. He didn’t mention that he could tell by the way Ryder was rubbing the back of his neck that one of his migraines was slowly but surely settling in. Jaal had seen him go through it more times than he could count by now and even though they plagued Ryder less frequently now, they could still put him out of commission for days if he wasn’t careful. 

 

Ryder took the meds Lexi had supplied him with for the trip and allowed himself one last look out into the vastness of space, before he moved into the back of the shuttle for a nap. 

 

It had been a while since Jaal had travelled to Aya and not used one of the more accessible ports. The Tempest was too big for anything else, no matter how good of a pilot Kallo was. Landing in the thick of Aya’s forests was certainly more challenging, even with a small shuttle like this one. 

 

It didn’t help that visibility was subpar, at best. 

 

“There’s a storm coming,” he said when he could hear Ryder move in the back of the shuttle. A moment later, Ryder stepped up next to him, one hand on the back of Jaal’s seat. 

 

“It looks pretty dark.” His voice was still heavy with sleep. “Can we make it?”

 

Jaal checked the dark clouds billowing like mountains over the tree tops on the horizon. “A close call but we should be alright.” He pointed towards the forest below. “The outpost is just beyond the tree line.” 

 

“I’ll get our things then.” 

 

Even without the storm, they had known they’d arrive too late in the day to do anything other than set up in one of the outposts usually used by Aya foresters. Jaal had pinged the one closest to their destination and received no response so he was fairly certain they’d find it empty. 

 

In any case, it would be more comfortable than spending the night in the shuttle. 

 

They touched down just off the tree line, just as the last of the daylight was swallowed by the dark storm clouds rolling towards them across the forest. In the distance, they heard the low rumble of thunder. 

 

“Can we make it?” Ryder asked, a skeptical look on his face, and gripped his cane a little more tightly. He had shouldered a light backpack and followed Jaal out of the shuttle. The air smelled heavy, ripe for rain. 

 

“Oh, yes,” Jaal said, looking up at the clouds. “Definitely. 

 

They were three steps past the tree line when the downpour started. 

 

They made it to the outpost, breathless and soaked through to the skin. As soon as the door slid closed behind them, Ryder leaned against the wall, his cane falling to the ground. For just a split second, Jaal thought Ryder’s leg had given out under him from exhaustion but with a start he realized, he was laughing. The kind of full laughter that had him doubled over, one hand on his belly while the other held him upright against the wall. 

 

Jaal blinked, stumped. 

 

He had seen Ryder laugh before, of course. But never like this. It was infectious, some kind of hysteria slowly building in his chest. 

 

When Ryder finally found his breath, he looked up at Jaal, tears in his eyes and his cheeks dark with color. “When you’re done with laughing, could you help me with that stupid cane? I don’t think I can walk.” He grinned at Jaal’s sudden lunge forward. “No rush.” 

 

Jaal picked up the cane and helped Ryder hop over to the small table and chairs at the other end of the room. They hadn’t even turned on the lights but the layout of these outposts was similar enough for Jaal to find his way around. He had spent enough time in them during his Resistance days.  


 

“I’ll need to go out back and flip the main switch,” he told Ryder just as a flash of lightning bathed the room in bright light. 

 

“Perhaps wait for bit,” Ryder said with a little smile, reaching out to hold on to his sleeve. A simple touch but Jaal felt it like a shock going through his body. Not a second later, thunder rumbled high above them. 

 

“Perhaps I should,” Jaal conceded. “I’ll find something to dry off.” 

 

He found the closet exactly where he expected it to be, fully equipped with everything a stranded forester would need. Including towels and spare clothes. 

 

“I will drown in those,” Ryder said with a little nod at the folded up clothes Jaal brought back to the table but he took the towel Jaal handed him. 

 

“It will be quite the sight.” 

 

Ryder laughed, letting the water dripping from his hair get soaked up by the towel. “Next time you can just scoop me up and carry me.” 

 

“Really?”

 

Ryder shrugged. “I’m not that proud. Not when the alternative is getting drenched.” He tapped the cane that was leaning next to him against the table. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’m not the fastest person in the galaxy right now.”

 

Jaal smiled. “I will keep that in mind.” He put the towels down on the table. “I think I will risk going out back now. No point in ruining two sets of clothes.” 

 

By the time he had found the main switch and made his way back into the house, Ryder had changed out of his wet clothes and put on some of the spares Jaal had found in the closet. He had been right. He was drowning in them. 

 

“I suppose I could roll up the sleeves and legs,” Ryder said with a shrug that left his shirt slipping enough to expose one freckled shoulder. “But I don’t think I’m going anywhere tonight.” 

 

Jaal turned on the main light, only poorly hiding his amusement. “I will ask the person responsible for this outpost to stock some children’s clothes next time.” 

 

“Hey!” 

 

With the power running, setting up for the night felt almost familiar - as if their little trip was merely one of many. As if Jaal wasn’t still buzzing with the novelty of it all. 

 

After changing into some dry clothes and hanging up their old ones to dry overnight, Jaal found a UV lamp in the back of the closet, along with some still edible nutrient paste. He set up both on the table where Ryder had unpacked his own small pack that he had brought from the shuttle. His share of food and drink looked even more meager than Jaal’s. 

 

“Are you sure I cannot offer you some of mine,” Jaal said as he readjusted his position in front of the UV lamp. He didn’t feel particularly drained yet but with the trip they had planned in the morning, it was better to be on the safe side. 

 

“No offense,” Ryder said and scrunched up his nose. “But I think I’ll stick to my crackers and water.” 

 

Jaal laughed, all too familiar with the reaction their food usually caused among the Milky Way settlers. “It’s funny,” he said with a nod at the small packet of pale brown crackers in front of Ryder. “Your food has all these different textures but in the end it all just tastes equally bland.” 

 

Ryder broke a cracker in half. “I wish I could argue with you but at least when it comes to these, you’re right.” Nevertheless, he still ate one. “It would be interesting to study how your taste buds differ from ours. I wonder if someone has already started that research…”

 

“You would like to study me?” Jaal couldn’t hide his amused smile, especially when he could see Ryder’s cheeks darken. 

 

“You make it sound so nefarious.” 

 

Jaal turned his head towards the warmth of the lamp and closed his eyes. “Your scholarly enthusiasm can be quite scary sometimes.” His lips curled into a smile. “Not particularly nefarious, however.” 

 

He could feel Ryder watching him, almost as acutely as the warmth radiating off the lamp.

  
  
  


 

 

There was only one bed and one blanket and Jaal was at a loss about what to do. 

 

“I could run back to the shuttle and get another blanket from there,” he offered, watching Ryder from the corner of his eye. 

 

Ryder stood at the foot of the bed, his arms crossed and his teeth worrying his bottom lip. “And offer me a wet blanket?” He nodded towards the window. Outside, the storm was still going strong, gusts of wind pushing the rain against the windowpane. “I think we’ll have to make do.”

 

Jaal shifted his weight from one foot to the other. It had been his mistake. Foresters usually worked alone. A second blanket would merely be a waste out here. But he also knew that humans sometimes weren’t as comfortable with sharing their personal space - something he’d come to learn but never fully understood. 

 

While he was still contemplating, Ryder climbed into bed. It was made with an angara in mind and he took up nearly no space at all. With a little smile, he patted the empty spot next to him. 

 

“Now come on. You said it yourself. We have a long day ahead of us. No use standing around.” 

 

The bed was more than big enough for the both of them and it was hardly the first Jaal had shared a bed with a friend but he still felt oddly strange about it as he climbed in next to Ryder. 

 

“I hope you’re not a blanket hogger,” Ryder told him, giving him more than his fair share of the large red blanket that had come with the bed. 

 

“I try not to be,” Jaal said, gingerly draping his half of the blanket over himself. Even though they weren’t touching, Jaal was very aware of Ryder’s body next to him. If he focused on it, he was almost certain he could feel his body heat. The soft sound of his breathing. 

  
Perhaps it was better not to focus on it then. 

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from Frances' "Set Sail".
> 
> About fic requests inquire [here.](http://damnable-rogue.tumblr.com/ask)  
> You can also find me on Tumblr, if you want: [damnable-rogue](http://damnable-rogue.tumblr.com/)  
> 


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